Been thinking about adoption a lot

I haven’t blogged in over a week but that doesn’t mean that adoption hasn’t been on my mind almost constantly , it has.  One thing that is giving me a huge sense of accomplishment is that Chris and I completely cleaned out our baby’s future nursery.  I wrote about a lot of my hard work in my last post but last weekend Chris helped me get the rest of the work done in there.  Admittedly there are a few office supplies and my wedding dress in the closet in there but I am committed to finding new homes for them. 

Next on my agenda in there is to buy and install a new carpet and prep and paint the walls in there.  When we moved in, there was a wallpaper border  around the whole room in there and we took it down, but we never cleaned off the glue.  We need to either wash off or sand off the glue, fill any holes, and paint.  I don’t have a color in mind, but I think that we are going to have to choose a gender neutral nursery scheme.  I really wanted to do gender specific, but I don’t think that will be too feasible.  When we thought we were going to become parents through my own pregnancy, I didn’t want to find out the gender of the baby, but the planner in me might have had to know to do a gender specific nursery.  I don’t know the time-line of the carpet and paint, but I bet I want it to happen sooner than Chris and our budget want it to happen. 

I started going to some Massachusetts agency websites and poking around, but honestly only enough poking to find the “request an info packet” button.  I requested information from all the agencies that looked good.  I don’t know if there are more agencies in MA or not, I just went off the list I found on adoption.com.  So hopefully there will be exciting mail in the box soon. 

I’ve had a love-hate relationship with the mail lately.  When I was pregnant in November 08, I instantly and naively signed myself up online at babycenter.com and probably other places as well to get weekly pregnancy updates etc.  They clearly sold my name because a couple of months ago I started getting pregnancy related mail.  It started with cord blood banking information and then flyers for The Children’s Place and Babies R Us.  Next I started getting American Baby magazine on a monthly basis and finally in the last few weeks I’ve gotten diaper and formula samples.  Not even just samples, but I got 2 full size containers of Similac formula and 1 full size from Emfamil.  To be completely honest it’s pissing me off, it’s completely depressing to be reminded of the baby that I didn’t have.  Plus I am on a first name basis with my mailman from lots of online shopping, he comes to the door often and is very friendly, I’m convinced he thinks I’m pregnant and wondering why I’m not showing.  Or he thinks I am showing but it’s just fat, who knows.  Maybe when he sees the adoption stuff come in the mail next week he’ll start to put the pieces together.  Mail from Boston IVF + baby companies + adoption agencies = infertility, miscarriage and moving on.

In other news I  also got us a new adoption specific email address.  It’s chrisanderin512@gmail.com and we will use that for all of our adoption related correspondence.  I wanted it to be separate from all the other junk that passes through my email account. 

I was excited last week because I found out there’s a show on TLC called “An Adoption Story” but when I TIVO’d it it turned out to be on Discovery Health, which I JUST cancelled in an effort to save money.  Since I couldn’t watch the show, I went on youtube and searched for “our adoption story” to see videos that people put together to tell their stories.  They were so good, I sat at the computer and cried through so many of them.  A surprising thing happened though, I found myself so drawn to the international adoption stories.  Seeing people in airports, then foreign countries in orphanages meeting their children for the first time was so moving.  I fell in love with the little girl in this video

I ended up watching the long version that was 4 parts as well as a bunch of their other videos of her.  She’s the happiest kid on the planet I think.  They’re so lucky. 

I started to feel like maybe we should adopt from China or Korea.  When I started looking into it, I found out that we won’t be qualified to adopt from China until 2012, after we’ve been married for 5 years.  If either spouse has been previously divorced, (Chris has) you have to be in your current marriage for at least 5 years.  On top of that, the wait for China is 36 months right now.  So if we went through China we would have a child if we were lucky in 2015.  I’ll be 39 and Chris will be 40.  So China is out.  I am starting to consider Korea though, but I keep reading that Korea will be closing it’s doors to international adoption in 2012 and it seems that some agencies are already restricting any new families from starting the process.  I don’t know where our baby is but I hope to figure it out soon.

Comments

[mimibricole]

I wish you good luck with adoption...
I've had 4 IFV, one worked, but pregnancy ended too early, after 8 weeks...
so i can perfectly understand how you feel about this all!

[Angela]

Hi,
I found your blog through SplitCoastStampers. My husband & I also had unsuccessful infertility treatments. We decided to pursue adoption. We are now in the process of adopting our 3rd & 4th children (twins). We went through the fostercare system and have had a fabulous experience. We wish you all the best. Some people will say things that are insensitive or not well thought out - I love your proposed response about the "real mother" comment!