I just signed Chris and I up for our first adoption meeting. Forward progress! At least that’s how it feels. It’s being put on by Wide Horizons for Children, which as far as I can tell is a Massachusetts agency. It’s on August 1. I find the entire agency selection process VERY confusing so far and I have not really even started researching it. I don’t yet understand what the laws in my state are for choosing an agency over an adoption attorney, or a facilitator. A facilitator, and I am not sure I even know what that is, I think is illegal in MA. Furthermore I don’t understand if I can choose an agency in another state. For instance, can I choose an agency in California and adopt a baby born in Nebraska then bring him home to MA? Who knows? Not me. I intend to figure it out though.
Books will help! I just ordered two new books from Amazon. The Complete Adoption Book and The Open Adoption Experience. The first one I hope will help with logistics and the second one with emotions. From my limited research it seems like closed adoptions, where birth mothers and adoptive families do not meet or talk or even know each others full names, is a very distant thing of the past. We are going to need to be comfortable having extended contact throughout our child’s life with their birth mothers or even entire birth families.
At first (meaning 2 months ago) I was very scared by the possibility of open adoption, and Chris still is. The more I read blogs of people who are living it every day it seems less scary. I really loved reading this blog, Heart Cries. Their new baby boy was born last month and they just brought him home from the state he was born in. They have a very open relationship with the birth mother of their baby and speak very highly of it. It’s been very eye opening, I am trying to push Chris to read it, hoping he will start to warm up to the idea of open adoption.
I am an adoptive mom in an open adoption and one of the things our facilitator kept reminding us is, "Open adoption IS NOT co-parenting." That seemed to help my husband a lot!!!
For us, it just means that we have an 800 number set up for her to call if she wants. We have her address, she does not have ours, but, we can always get a hold of each other if we need/want. She isn't another mother to our son.
Good luck on your journey!!!!
Posted by: Christine | 07/27/2009 at 10:59 PM